


Snake's Nest

by Kasasagi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Corruption, Gen, Humor, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder, Mystery, Police Brutality, Pre-Slash, frolicking in a strip club, orochimaru doing weird stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-21 03:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasasagi/pseuds/Kasasagi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A murder mystery in a strip club owned by Orochimaru! Starring Sasuke Uchiha as the club's star no. 1 and Naruto Uzumaki as a police officer.  Co-starring Sai as the bad cop, Gaara as the star no. 2 and Ino as a forensic pathologist. Criminal AU, pre-slash NaruSasu. Co-written by Borovice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snake's Nest

**Title:** Snake's Nest

**Pairing:** SasuNaru if you squint

**Warnings:** Mention of murder and other crimes, but on the overall it's pretty mild

**Wordcount:** 7021

**Disclaimer:** The characters from Naruto belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

 

Sasuke, Sakura, Neji and Gaara were sitting at the bar, taking firm hold of their drinks. They knew very well that they were going to really need these drinks soon. Standing on the stage in front of them was a man in a green spandex suit, who was eyeing them determinedly. It was Rock Lee.

"Just do it already. It's not like I want to see it, but we don't have whole day for you," Neji said to him, annoyed.

The owner of the bar chose this moment to peek inside.

"Hell no," he commented on what he saw, disgusted, "I told him like thousand times not to come here anymore. No one wants him here."

"Well, boss, since he's already here," Sakura said in a conciliatory manner, causing the owner to resignedly wave his hand.

"Alright, alright, let him show you what he's got. But no one can make me watch it. And you, my little snakes – don't you even think about following his example. Just remember – Not. Like. This."

With these encouraging words the owner left and Rock Lee started his show.

It was… horrendous didn't even begin to cover it. For his music accompaniment, Lee chose the 1980s infamous _Never Gonna Give You Up_ by Rick Astley, and his dance moves consisted of violently thrusting his hips forwards and backwards. His arms would sometimes try to imitate something like _Macarena_.

At the peak of his exhibition, Rock Lee unzipped his suit and stepped out of it, stark naked. And then-

"Enough!" Sasuke cried in a broken voice. "My eyes! They won't take it anymore."

"So, what do you think?" Rock Lee asked eagerly. "Will you hire me?"

"Put these clothes back on this instant or we'll leave," Neji threatened him and Lee reluctantly obeyed.

Sakura decided to speak up, because she knew that the rest of them would be crueler:

"I'm sorry, but we really can't hire you. You…you just- lack talent. But as we've already told you – if you only changed that suit and hairstyle-"

"But that's impossible!" Lee exclaimed. "These are parts of my identity, which I acquired under the guidance of my dancing master, and I can't just throw it away. It expresses who I am and what I am, my inner self-"

"Nobody wants to see _that_ ," Neji growled, but Lee wouldn't be stopped:

"Striptease is not just about getting naked – it has a deeper meaning, its own philosophy-"

"Striptease is about getting naked and dancing a little while looking really good," Gaara cut in. "And that's where you fail."

"But I've worked so hard to improve!" Lee objected. "Every day I have diligently practiced my unique dance moves which we had created with my master. You must let the audience see this!"

"I don't think that the audience will blame us if they don't get this chance," Sasuke smirked. "Goodbye. I hope we won't see you again."

* * *

A black Porsche entered a now deserted parking lot, passing a red Ferrari going in the opposite direction. Sasuke Uchiha left the Porsche and headed for the _Snake's Nest_ nightclub building. All the lights were out, which was not surprising, given the hour – it was almost 4 in the morning. What _was_ surprising was that even the reception was dark, although the main door was unlocked. _Strange,_ Sasuke thought, but didn't dwell on it. He was tired after an exacting number and just wanted to retrieve his keys, which he had forgotten in his dressing room. He wanted nothing more than to return home (he drove all the way there when he found out about the keys, dammit) and have a proper rest.

On the stairs he met with Kabuto the manager, who never seemed to leave the club's premises. Kabuto gave him a strange look. _Well, I guess I wouldn't be too nice myself if I was forced to work at this hour,_ Sasuke thought as he climbed up the stairs and then turned left to the dressing rooms.

He didn't bother to turn on the lights; he had walked this route many times before. However, today was the first time that he slipped and fell on something soft. He immediately rolled away to the wall and shakingly got up on his feet. He groped for the switch and it took him a moment before he forced himself to turn the light on.

When he saw what was on the floor, his stomach heaved and he had to fight the urge to vomit. He took his cell phone and dialed the police number with trembling fingers.

"I want to report a murder."

* * *

Officer Naruto Uzumaki squatted down next to the dead body with a piece of chalk in his hand. When he drew the silhouette from one side of the neck to the other, he stopped and gave the body a pondering look.

"What do you think, chief," he turned to his superior. "Should I try to draw the head even though it's missing?"

"Of course not!" detective inspector Sai Tanaka snapped and resumed his conversation with Ino Yamanaka, the forensic pathologist.

"So, what can you tell us?" he asked her.

Ino smoothed her elegant black blouse and said:

"I can't be certain about it yet, but this man is probably dead."

"Only probably?" Sai asked, incredulous.

"Well, there was no pulse, but the protocol demands a breathing test-"

"You mean like using a breathalyzer to see if he has been drinking before driving?" asked Naruto, who became a member of the CSI just last week, after spending a long time in the traffic department.

"Wrong department," Ino said with a wave of her hand. "You do a breathing test by putting a mirror in front of someone's mouth; when it fogs it means that the person is breathing. Well, as you see, I can't really do that here."

In the face of such bulletproof logic there was really nothing that could be said.

Sai chose to turn to the owner, who was wearing an expensive snakeskin suit, had a long shiny hair falling way down his back and went by the name of Orochimaru.

"So, Mr. Orochimaru, you know the identity of the deceased?"

Orochimaru lit a Cuban cigar, took a savory drag and said:

"I do. I can tell you who he is thanks to that horrible thing he's wearing. No one sane would ever dress like that. Spandex, eww," Orochimaru grimaced and went on. "It's Rock Lee, a loser who would come here every month to get a job – we kept telling him he was unwanted here, but he'd have none of it – well, and he came again just tonight."

Sai gestured to Naruto to write it all down and went on with his questioning:

"Do you know anything more about him? Where was he living, who were his friends? Or where is his head now?"

Orochimaru giggled.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't give a damn about him. I just wanted him to leave my club and stop scaring away my customers, who come here to see something _nice_. But maybe Gaara could tell you more – he's one of my dancers. I saw Lee pestering him a couple of times."

"Alright, we'll talk to him. It was you who found the body?"

"No, not me. Him," Orochimaru replied and pointed his cigar in the corner, where Sasuke was sitting, still covered in blood.

"Yeah, I can see that," Naruto jumped in. "He can just go on and tell us where he hid that head, right, chief?"

"Don't jump to conclusions," Sai admonished him, but he, too, was eyeing Sasuke with suspicion.

"How do you plan on explaining this?"

Sauke was in a rotten mood; he really needed to sleep, he experienced a rather ugly shock and now he was treated like the perpetrator.

"It was dark, my foot slipped and I fell on him. End of the story," he snapped.

Sai's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"The end of this story is not for you to decide. You will tell us more at the station tomorrow."

"If you say so," Sasuke smirked. "Can I go now?"

Sai wanted to object, but Orochimaru intervened:

"Please, inspector, you must let poor Sasuke have some rest – he's the star of my establishment and tomorrow – no, tonight – he's starring in another number. Come and see," he invited them with a smile.

"Of course we'll come," Sai said with a stony expression. "Investigate this murder."

* * *

Ino took off her rubber gloves and threw them into the trash bin.

"Now that was fast," Naruto noted with a hint of wonder in his voice.

Ino gave him a smile.

"The perpetrator helped me here by cutting him open all the way down to the abdomen. It was as though they knew I would do that anyway."

"Do you think that's why they did it?" Sai asked skeptically. "Well, no matter the reason, it happened post mortem. That means that he was killed by head injury – or rather _neck_ injury, to be exact."

"That's correct," Ino nodded in agreement. "The victim died as a result of the severing of his head sometime between half past two and half past three in the morning. This surgically perfect incision was done a couple minutes post mortem."

"Alcohol, drugs, sexual intercourse?" Sai asked.

"A couple of drinks but no drugs. As for sexual intercourse – from the pictures I saw of him alive, I would say none _ever,_ " said Ino and everyone laughed.

"The head was severed by a single blow with a sharp object, probably a sword."

"Shit, that means that the Mafia is probably involved in this," Sai frowned. "There were similar cases in the past. They never found the heads and the investigations were dropped …"

"Chief, come on," Naruto interrupted Sai's musings. "We don't want to be late for the show," he winked at his superior.

"Have fun," Ino told them. "It must be nice to get to see naked people who are _alive,_ for a change."

* * *

The detectives had to struggle to get into the room; the rumors about the murder were fast to spread and they had done little to dissuade the visitors; on the contrary, they attracted crowds like bees to honey.

At the door they met with the owner and the manager, who was carrying a cooler bag.

"I've saved you a table in the front – that one over there with the two bottles of my best champagne – on the house, of course," Orochimaru said with a suave smile.

No sooner did they arrive at their table and Naruto opened a bottle of champagne, than a sensuous music started to play and the first number began. It was a girl with pink hair in a nurse outfit. In her hands she held a huge syringe replica.

"Oh my gosh, that's Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed. "We went to school together and then she left to become a nurse. But this…" Naruto had to drown his shock in a whole glass of champagne.

Meanwhile, Sakura was taking off articles of her clothing and performing all kinds of acts with her syringe, making the audience clap enthusiastically and shower the stage with banknotes.

Finally she left the stage and sat in the lap of grey haired man in an expensive black suit with fingers full of golden rings.

"Where does it hurt?" she asked in a husky voice.

"I bet you know where," the man replied with a lecherous smile and shoved a banknote under her garter.

The next number included two men in long black satin dressing gowns wrestling each other. Those men were Susuke Uchiha, who was greeted by an enormous applause immediately after his arrival, and Gaara Sabaku, the Snake's Nest star no. 2.

"If they just used their fists, it could be over by now," Naruto grumbled, but then this ineffective, but very spectacular way of fighting intrigued him so much that he didn't think of any other remarks. Especially after the dressing gowns had suddenly disappeared.

"These people have no shame," Sai said in disgust, but he couldn't take his gaze off the stage.

The number ended in Sasuke finally striking Gaara to the ground and raising in a victorious pose.

A couple of average numbers followed; another furious applause was invoked by the arrival of the fabulous Madame Pandora, which was the stage name of Neji Hyuuga, accompanied by two young, well-built black males in tuxedos. As for Madame Pandora, she was dressed in long gold sparkly dress, complete with red boa and a matching wig.

Madame Pandora sent a kiss to her cheering audience and began her extravagant number, at the end of which she showed her true gender, making the audience go wild. The girl who managed to catch Neji's laced tong fainted and had to be carried away from the room.

As the last number, Sasuke once again stepped on the stage. This time he was alone, wearing a simple white shirt and dark pants, and he performed a classic striptease.

After the show, the two detectives followed the performers backstage, feeling the envious glares of the hordes of fans, who were prevented from doing the same by security.

"You seem to be the last person to see Rock Lee alive," Sai told Gaara after they entered his dressing room. Their presence didn't stop Gaara from stripping almost naked and counting the money that landed on the stage during his and Sasuke's number.

"I guess. He came to see me to the bar, and he was acting weird."

"In what way?"

"His eyes were like, glistening when he told me: 'Maybe tomorrow we'll be on the stage together. They _must_ hire me now, what with the things I know!' Of course I asked him what it was that he knew, but he wouldn't tell. He was just downing one drink after the other and giving me weird looks. Then his phone rang, he told me to excuse him and left."

"And what did you do after he left?"

"I stayed in the bar until it closed; then I got in my car, it was around three in the morning, and when I was driving out of the parking lot, I passed-"

"Wait!" Naruto exclaimed in an indignant voice. "You were driving under the influence? That's so going to be in the report-"

"Officer Uzumaki!" Sai interrupted him. "You should finally come to terms with the fact that you no longer belong to the traffic department. We're here to investigate a murder, for God's sake. Please continue," he beckoned to Gaara, who just went back to counting his money, completely unfazed.

"Alright," Gaara said after giving Naruto a contemptuous smirk. "As I was driving out of the parking lot I passed Uchiha. I think it was about 3:10. I have no idea what he was still doing here, you should ask him about that. And then I went back home."

"I suppose that the bartender can confirm your alibi," Sai said and Gaara nodded in agreement. "Do you know about anything else that could help our investigation?"

There was a flicker of something in Gaara's eyes.

"If I were you, I would focus on Uchiha. It's not a common knowledge here but he's not as innocent as he looks. He's been arrested for rape and drug possession, but they had to let him go for lack of evidence."

Sai smiled at him.

"Thank you for your information, Mr. Sabaku; you've been most helpful."

With that, they left the dressing room. Sai turned to Naturo.

"I want to speed up this investigation, so we're going to split. I'll take Uchiha to the station, he appears to be our main suspect. You'll interrogate the bartender, manager and receptionist. You can report to me tomorrow," said Sai and led Sasuke out of the building.

Naruto headed for the bar. On his way there he met with Kabuto, who was once again carrying a cooler bag.

"Don't leave yet, I have some questions for you," he told Kabuto. "What's in that bag, anyway?"

"It's empty now," Kabuto replied. "I've just brought the bartender a few bottles of champagne. You know, people here drink a lot. Come see me in my office."

Naruto just shrugged his shoulders and went on into the bar. Today there was just a handful of patrons, so Jiraya the bartender, who was polishing glasses, was free to talk with Naruto.

"Was Rock Lee here yesterday?" Naruto asked right away.

"Yeah, he's now sniffing daisies, the poor ugly sucker. I didn't like him, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone," Jiraya replied, pouring himself a shot.

"Care for a drink, detective?"

"No, I can't. I've already had some champagne, and I have to drive afterwards. So he came to see Gaara?"

"Yeah, he used to do that a lot. Usually he came here to whine about another failed audition. You see, it was his dream, to appear on the stage alongside with Gaara, he was something like his idol. That's why Gaara suffered his company, because nobody admired him like Lee did, and admiration is something he really needs – I think he hates being no. 2, after Sasuke. These two were talking about something, but I don't know what that was. The bar was crowded and I didn't have time to listen to them."

"And then Lee left alone?"

"Yeah, someone called him on the phone. Gaara stayed a little bit longer, and then left as well, and I closed the bar."

"What time was it?"

Jiraya just grinned.

"No idea, officer. I don't look at them clocks. Two, three in the morning? Four, even? Who knows."

This testimony did little to please Naruto; and neither Kabuto nor the receptionist added anything of significance. Kabuto testified that in the time of the murder he was working in his office, which he only left when he heard the police, and the receptionist said that he heard a suspicious noise somewhere in the back of the building and went to investigate it, but didn't find anything out of ordinary.

_Well, that went fast,_ Naruto thought. _The chief told me to report tomorrow, but I can drop at the station on my way home. I'm not even tired, so… I can see how the interrogation's going._

* * *

The police station was deserted at night; they only policemen present were those on the night patrol, but they were a floor below the inspecting room into which Sai brought Sasuke.

"So you claim that you went back to the parking lot a few minutes before 4 AM, and not soon after 3 AM, as was testified by Gaara Sabaku."

"Yes, I'm telling you that for the third time," said Sasuke, exasperated, "and that's all I can tell you. I was just going to retrieve my keys when I found him. I don't know what else you want me to say."

Sai gave him an unpleasant smile.

"But you do know, _Sasuke._ You know very well what I want to hear. Your confession, you little piece of shit."

"What are you playing at, you-" Sasuke started, making a step in Sai's direction. Sai was waiting for this and whipped out his baton. Before Sauske had any chance to react, a well-aimed blow knocked him halfway unconscious, so he couldn't prevent Sai from chaining his wrists to the radiator.

"That will do," Sai smirked, "you won't get the better of me, you pathetic little fuck. Your body is only good enough for shaking on the stage. And I still don't understand what they all see in you. I know why you did it – you were afraid that they would hire Rock Lee and he would become a greater star than you."

Sasuke let out a dry chuckle, which made Sai even more furious.

"Just laugh while you can. It's like I say – people like your pretty face, but as for the body-" Sai gave him a disdainful smirk, " you can't hold a candle to me. I work out in the gym so I can catch bastards like you. Check out my abs," Sai said, rolling his T-shirt all the way up to his chin.

Sasuke eyed him with a disgusted expression.

"Are you related to Rock Lee? You share a habit of showing people things no one cares to see."

Sai went red with anger. Before he could catch himself, his hand flew out and struck Sasuke so hard that his face impacted with the wall. A trickle of blood started to ooze from a corner of his mouth.

"Stop with this bullshit," Sai hissed, "tell me how you killed him."

"I told you that I didn't do it."

Sai hit him again.

"I'm not asking you if you did it, because I know that already. I'm asking _how_ you did it. Where did you hide the head? And why did you cut him open afterwards?"

"I didn't cut anybody open. Leave me alone!"

"You'd like that, huh?" Sai said with a crooked smile, looming over Sasuke's form. "But we can't have that, because I forgot one important thing – the _strip search._ You have plenty of experience with that, so it shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"

Sai unbuttoned Sasuke's shirt and started to roughly touch his chest. When Sasuke tried to fight, he merited another blow and a contemptuous remark:

"So now we are shy? After this evening there is hardly much of you left that I haven't seen already."

"If you don't stop this immediately, I'll file a complaint."

Sai just smiled and unzipped Sasuke's pants.

"I will get that confession out of you yet," he murmured and leaned forwards, close enough for Sasuke to feel his breath. Sasuke tried to turn away, but Sai caught his chin and forced a kiss on his lips. His hand was slipping under the hem of Sasuke's boxer-shirts.

Then he backed away with a pained cry.

"You bastard," Sai whined, spitting out blood, because Sasuke tried to bite his tongue off.

"You're gonna pay for this," he hissed and swung his baton.

At that exact moment the door burst open and Naruto barged inside.

"Chief?" he stuttered. "Is there anything…wrong?"

"Uchiha was being difficult. I had to pacify him a little," Sai explained with a frown, inwardly cursing his subordinate's agility. _I told that traffic idiot to report tomorrow!_

Naruto looked at Sasuke's bloodied lip and a bruise that was beginning to form under his eye. Then his gaze moved to the unbuttoned shirt and finally to the unzipped trousers. He couldn't help but wonder what this 'pacifying' entailed.

Sai who noticed Naruto's stare hurried to say:

"I've had enough for today; I'm going home. Since you're here, you can wrap this up. But for you," he turned to Sasuke, "it's far from over."

Sai threw the keys of Sasuke's handcuffs at the dumbfounded Naruto and left.

Naruto unfastened Sasuke's handcuffs while trying to avoid his eyes, because Sasuke's half naked body suddenly made him feel awkward.

"Are you alright?" he asked Sasuke.

Sasuke wiped the blood of his face and gave him a wry smile.

"What do you think? But I believe I'll make it home in one piece."

Naruto vehemently shook his head.

"Don't even think about it! I'll drive you home." Sasuke objected that he could take a taxi, but Naruto wouldn't budge and at last Sasuke let him have his way, too tired to argue.

"You know," Naruto told him when they got into the car, "I wanted to drive you home to make up for my boss's behavior. I dunno much 'bout these things, there was nothing like that in the traffic dept, but this looked like police brutality. I just joined the CSI last week and I dunno the chief very well, but rumor has it that's he a bad cop."

"Rumor has it right," Sasuke replied drily.

"Anyway," Naruto said pensively, "I'd like to know what you did to him that made him…um…beat you up like this?" _And strip you almost naked,_ Naruto added in his mind, feeling a blush creeping on his face.

"It's more about what I didn't do," Sasuke said and Naruto tried really hard to decipher the meaning of these words, before he gave up.

"I'm way out of my league here," he sighed at last, "I should've stayed at the traffic dept."

"Thank God that you didn't," Sasuke retorted. "God knows what would've happened to me today."

This time, too, Naruto told himself that he had no idea what "God knows what" meant, but he couldn't chase away the memory of Sasuke's unzipped trousers and the weird glint in Sai's eyes…

They arrived in front of Sasuke's apartment building. After he dropped Sasuke there, he stayed in a car for a few moments longer than necessary, looking after the retreating figure.

Sasuke stopped and turned back.

"Thanks for the ride," he said and then added, "and thanks for… that, before. Can I invite you to a coffee, perhaps? Tomorrow evening."

"You don't have a performance tomorrow?" Naruto asked, surprised.

"Like this?" Sasuke smirked and touched his swelling lip, "I believe I'll take a few days' holiday."

"I see. I'll be here at eight, is that alright?"

Sasuke nodded.

* * *

The next day, the investigation took Sai and Naruto to one Guy-sensei, because it turned out that it was him who Rock Lee called from the bar. Or, to be more precise, the investigation took them to the building where he lived, but they didn't find him there.

"So you haven't seen him for two days?" Sai asked.

"Nope," agreed Kakashi, Guy's neighbor. "But two guys in black were looking for him; they were calling each other 'brother'. But trust me, inspector, they didn't look like brothers – one was a posh looking guy with a ponytail, while the other was… _blue_."

_Blue or green, that doesn't matter,_ thought Sai. _If they were calling each other 'brother', they were from the Mafia for sure. And I don't want to get involved with them._

Suddenly, Sai's cell phone rang.

"We'll come right away," he said to the phone and turned to Naruto.

"We're going to the Snake's Nest, officer."

* * *

Sai took a sip of the offered high-quality whiskey. Orochimaru puffed on his cigar.

"Dear inspector," he spoke up. „I believe that you are a wise man. You must have seen for yourself that the Mafia is involved in this murder. And neither me, nor you want to have anything to do with them. I'm paying them for protection and they leave me and my little snakes alone, but this Rock Lee character wasn't one of mine. God knows that kind of life he led; I bet he had done something to aggravate the Mafia and they came after him. I think that the wisest course of action for both of us would be not to pry into this too much."

Sai smiled faintly in response.

"I do agree with you, but my superiors won't be too happy about this."

"I see," Orochimaru smiled in understanding. "But I think this could remedy that," he said, handing Sai a thick envelope.

Sai gave the envelope an assessing gaze and took another sip of his whiskey.

"Yes, I believe it should. But I have one more request of a more… personal nature."

"Do you?" Orochimaru raised his eyebrows. "What kind of request?"

There was a predatory glint in Sai's eyes.

"I want Uchiha. Naked and bound, for at least one hour."

Orochimaru laughed.

"Excellent taste, inspector. But we don't want any visible injuries; he's my star number one. You have overdone it with that interrogation yesterday," Orochimaru said with a hint of reprimand in his voice.

"Don't worry, I'll be very careful," Sai promised with a lustful smile.

* * *

Naruto was waiting in front of Orochimaru's office, bored out of his mind. His only amusement was counting how many times Kabuto walked by with his cooler bag. _People here sure drink a lot_ , he thought.

Sai finally left the office.

"What did he want, chief? And what's in that envelope?"

"What Mr. Orochimaru told me belongs in the past – as do the contents of this envelope," Sai retorted. "We're done here. I'm closing this investigation for lack of evidence. You can go, I'm giving you an afternoon off."

Naruto remained standing in the middle of the corridor, gobsmacked. _Screw this shit,_ he thought, _I'm going back to the traffic dept._

* * *

"And then chief went out of his office with an envelope, like, really thick one, and he told me that the investigation was over. For lack of evidence," Naruto finished his narration. "What do you think?"

Sasuke took a sip of his coffee.

"I think," he said, "that I know what was in that envelope."

"Really? What?" Naruto didn't hide his surprise.

Sasuke sighed.

"A bribe, what else. Don't they teach you anything at police academy?"

Naruto hung his head, ashamed. He really was out of his depth.

"But why would Orochimaru do that? Why would he bribe my boss? Unless…"

For the first time since the beginning of the investigation, Naruto really stopped to think. "Unless he wanted to protect someone. Like, one of his stars," he said and looked Sasuke straight in the eye.

Sasuke was put under the impression that the blond officer was now making up for his lack of thinking earlier by thinking too hard, because Naruto went on:

"Maybe the chief wasn't that far from the truth…he's been dealing with stuff like this for years, he must know his way around. You said that you came to the club before 4 in the morning, while Gaara claims that it was almost an hour earlier – at the time of the murder. And you've been arrested for rape and drug possesion. And finally – what about this sword collection?" Naruto shot an accusing glare on a big stand in the corner hosting about eight long samurai swords.

"And yeah, I almost forgot – you're parking in front of a garage, so you're blocking the way," Naruto added and rattled with the handcuffs he pulled out of his pocket.

"For the start, I came before 4 AM. If Gaara says something else, it's a lie. As for the rape and drug possession, that was my brother, who's in Mafia. I've got a sword collection, because I like fencing. If I wanted to kill someone, I'd choose a different method, because I'm sure that some idiot would try to put the blame on me just because I own a sword collection. And finally, that garage's mine."

"But how can you leave that beautiful Porsche outside, just like that!" Naruto objected, indignant.

"Well, I've got two more. The third one wouldn't fit in the garage," Sasuke explained.

"What?!" Naruto exclaimed. "Can I come to audition?"

"I was only joking," Sasuke smiled. "But you can come to audition anyway. Lately it's been always just Rock Lee. But he's not going to show up anymore," Sasuke said and they both laughed.

Naruto put away the handcuffs and stopped looking like he was going to arrest Sasuke at any given moment.

"Do you eat mushrooms?" Sasuke asked out of the blue.

"Sure thing, I eat everything. Why do you ask?" Naruto seemed confused by the question.

"Because we're going to have dinner. I'm quite hungry, and you?"

"I'm hungry all the time," Naruto grinned and followed Sasuke into the kitchen. He sat at the kitchen table and watched Sasuke expertly cut meat and mushrooms. He offered to help, but Sasuke refused.

Naruto's thoughts strayed to their conversation.

"Alright," he said, "I take it that you didn't off that guy. But as I've watched you with that knife – you sure know how to cut things up."

Sasuke glared at him.

"Just kidding," Naruto laughed. "I don't think you had any reason to kill him."

Sasuke turned to him with a frying pan in his hand.

"Your boss suggested that I killed him because I feared his competition."

Naruto laughed so hard that he fell off his chair.

When he gathered himself up, he was greeted by a plate containing an omelet with meat and mushrooms. Naruto dug in his plate and soon he was singing his praise to the cook.

Sasuke objected, saying that making a good omelet wasn't all that difficult, but he looked pleased.

After dinner, they moved back to the living room and Sasuke poured them some Tokai wine. Naruto didn't really feel like talking about Rock Lee's murder anymore. He looked around the room; apart from the sword collection his attention was drawn to the bookcase. Naruto was a far cry from a bookworm, but he was perplexed by the titles on the bindings: _Nem tudom magyar, A magyar nyelv könnyu,_ _Magyarország_ _, Petőfi Sándor - összes költeményei_ nebo _Segesvar város nagyon szép._ (*)

Even more that these suspicions clusters of letters, Naruto was puzzled by one other thing, about which he had yet found the courage to ask. But the wine helped with that, so he finally posed his question:

"Um, sorry for intruding, but I just have to ask – why do you strip for money? It doesn't seem like you – I mean, not like you're no good at it, right on the contrary-" Naruto realized what he was saying and blushed deep red.

"I use the money to pay for my tuition," Sasuke explained. "When I graduate, my profession probably won't get me enough to earn a living. I want to make as much money as I can in the Snake's Nest now, so later I devote myself to research in the field of my interest."

"And what is it, that field?" Naruto asked.

"Hungarian philology," Sasuke replied.

"What? I've never heard about it," Naruto said in a slightly irritated voice, because he thought that Sasuke was pulling his leg.

"Philology studies languages and Hungary is a country in Central Europe, whose language is Hungarian," Sasuke explained.

"I'm especially interested in Petőfi, a Hungarian poet. One day I'd like to translate his poetry into Japanese. This summer, I went to Segesvár, the place where Petőfi died. It's a beautiful town," Sasuke said dreamily and took a sip of his Tokai wine.

Naruto took a sip as well, because he couldn't think of anything to say.

"But as I was saying, you can't make a living out of something like that," Sasuke continued. "For example in our department, all three of our professors live in slums, and the word on the grapevine says that our department head lives in a cardboard box. Well, as the only thing that augmented his meager university income this year was a translation of an advertisement for an instant Hungarian goulash, I'm willing to believe it. And that's why I strip for money, so I don't end up like this," Sasuke concluded his monologue.

"That actually makes sense," Naruto commented. "I don't make much money with the police either, but I'd never thought of this. But when I think about it now…"

"Keep thinking," said Sasuke and poured more wine into Naruto's glass.

"But I hope that if I came to your audition, I wouldn't end up like Rock Lee. I like my head on my neck," Naruto laughed. "Well, as we got back to Rock Lee – who do you think could kill him, if not you? I said that Orochimaru bribed the chief not to arrest someone from the club – not you, someone else, like, someone who is the star no. 2 and really wants to be no. 1. And to achieve that, he'd frame you for the murder of Rock Lee, about who nobody gives a damn. That's why Gaara said that he saw you at the parking lot earlier. And then he told us all that dirty shit about drugs and stuff."

"It is true that Gaara hates me, and I bet he lied about me to make me look bad, but – he couldn't know I would return to the club later that night, and more importantly, why would he cut Lee open?"

Naruto shrugged.

"Dunno, maybe he's got some issues?" He offered, but he had to admit that this hypothesis wasn't very convincing. "Was no one else there on that night?"

"No, there wasn't," Sasuke shook his head at first, but then stopped.

"Actually there _was_ someone. On my way upstairs, I bumped into the manager. But he's there all the time."

"That doesn't mean he's automatically clear," Naruto opposed. "On the contrary – what's he doing all that time? And that cooler bag of his is downright suspicious. I feel like going to take a look at this – even though the case's been closed. It's not like I care about Rock Lee, but this is just not right. I've always wanted to be a good cop. After this I'm leaving the CSI and rejoining the traffic dept. So," Naruto said, rising from his armchair, "I'll go check it out and try to get something out of Orochimaru. Do you want to go with me?"

Sasuke agreed and they left the building. Sasuke headed for his car, but Naruto caught his arm.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To my car, where do you think?" Sasuke replied, perplexed and not a little annoyed.

"No you're not. I won't let you drive under the influence. I've been drinking too, so we'll have to walk," Naruto declared.

Sasuke gave his an exasperated look and waved at the passing taxi.

* * *

When they reached the corridor leading into Orochimaru's office, they saw Kabuto, who was going inside with a cooler bag.

They waited for him to close the door, then stood outside and waited.

"Here you are, boss. A fresh delivery," they heard Kabuto's voice.

"Show me," Orochimaru commanded with a hint of impatience in his voice. "I want to see."

Naruto and Sasuke heard the sound of a cooler bag opening.

"Gorgeous, simply gorgeous," Orochimaru gushed over something they couldn't see. "I'd want to keep it for myself. It's going to be hard, parting with this one… when are they coming to retrieve it?"

"In two hours."

"Two hours you say…you know what? Leave it here for a moment."

"But-"

"I know, don't worry; I'll put it into the freezer. I just want to play with it a little, hmm…what are you staring at, you can go now! You can come back in 20 minutes."

Naruto and Sasuke hurried to hide behind the corner. In the next moment Kabuto stepped out of the office and went to the opposite direction than was their corner.

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other.

"What's Orochimaru playing with?" Naruto asked. "We must find out. I've got a plan."

Naruto barged into Orochimaru's office without knocking, hoping that he would catch the owner in the act. Unfortunately, with a swift, slippery motion Orochimaru hid something into the freezer so quickly that Naruto didn't have the time to process what it was. _Damn it_ , he cursed inwardly. _So here goes plan B._

"Who do you think you are, to barge in here like this!" Orochimaru lashed out at him. "The investigation is over. You have no right to be here."

"That's where you're wrong," Naruto said. "I was delegated to the traffic department and I have to ask you to immediately move your vehicle from a handicapped space."

"Move my- what? Are you joking?"

"No, I'm not. If you don't move your vehicle right now, I'll be forced to take your driving license."

Orochimaru rose from his chair, utterly perplexed, and followed Naruto out of the office.

"This is weird," he muttered under his breath, "could it be that I really parked it wrong? I always park on the same spot – the one with the big red BOSS written on the ground…"

At the moment they were gone Sasuke slipped into the office and opened the freezer.

_Sweet Jesus._

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Orochimaru, I really thought that car was yours," Naruto repeated as he and the owner were returning to the office.

"I get it, I get it, just get lost. I don't want to see you here ever again," Orochimaru growled.

At that moment Sasuke went out of the office holding a huge ice cube. Inside the cube, there was a human kidney.

"Is this yours?" Naruto asked.

* * *

Reopening of the investigation showed that Orochimaru and Kabuto were involved in trade in human organs. Rock Lee discovered this by accident, so he had to die. Orochimaru hired two brothers from the Mafia, who took the head with them, after they were done – it was some kind of Mafia custom. Lee's body was then cut open by Kabuto, who wanted to remove his organs, but he realized that he forgot his cooler bag. He was on his way to retrieve it, when he met with Sasuke, who then discovered the body.

The Mafia also took care of Guy-sensei, whom Lee informed about his discovery.

After arresting the culprits – Orochimaru and Kabuto, as usually they couldn't pin anything on the Mafia – Jiraya succeeded these two in managing the club, so Sasuke didn't lose his job and wasn't forced to move into slums, or a cardboard box, like his less lucky professors.

At the next audition, Naruto was hired part time, after he stripped out of his traffic department police uniform.

Orochimaru and Kabuto didn't stay in jail for long; a few gifts here and there helped them to flee to some island in the Caribbean. Another culprit – the former inspector Sai Tanaka, who was found guilty of corruption – was less lucky.

It could be said that on the contrary, he was extremely unlucky as a judicial error brought him into the jail for murderers and sex offenders, and two such prisoners were sharing his cell. Needless to say, soon they were also sharing his bed, or rather his bunk – with much reluctance on Sai's part.  
  
  


* * *

**The End**

* * *

  
(*) _The Hungarian titles mean, in this order: I don't Understand Hungarian, Hungarian Is Easy, Hungary, Sándor_ _Petőfi_ _'s Collected Poems, Segesvár Is a Beutiful Town._


End file.
